The Antidote for Fear: Natalie Morales on “My Dead Friend Zoe”

For Natalie Morales, telling diverse stories as an actor/writer/director isn’t just a personal calling—it’s a responsibility.

“I think you introduce a concept or a person or type of person in a movie or a TV show, and you can see a direct correlation from how society and culture changes because of that,” Morales told RogerEbert.com via Zoom in late February. “And we have the opportunity to introduce people who may not know a Latino person, a trans person, a person with PTSD.”

The effects of the latter are explored in Morales’ latest film, “My Dead Friend Zoe,” which hit theaters on February 28. In the film, Morales’ titular character, a veteran who died after returning home from combat, appears as a vision to Merit (Sonequa Martin-Green), her best friend from the military, as she struggles to heal while serving as a caretaker to her grandfather.

The movie, penned and directed by Kyle Hausmann-Stokes, is based on Hausmann-Stokes’s real-life experiences. Morales served as an executive producer on the film, which they describe as a refreshingly collaborative experience, particularly on a project that is so personal to Hausmann-Stokes.

“I think I share his goal, which is that if this movie can help literally one person, then we’ve done what we set out to do,” she said.

Natalie Morales spoke to RogerEbert.com about their transition from acting to filmmaking, the responsibility that comes with storytelling, the challenges of getting new and diverse stories on screen, and her philosophy on following your passion.

Hannah Loesch: You’ve spoken in one of your TikTok videos about how you made the transition from mainly acting to also writing, directing, and producing because the kinds of stories you wanted to see on screen weren’t being written. How has having these experiences under your belt affected the way you view and think about storytelling as a whole?

Well, I see it now as something that comes with a lot of responsibility. I’ve learned from history that media, movies, and TV, without trying to get on a high horse or sound self-important, literally have an effect on culture and history. I think you introduce a concept, a person, or a type of person in a movie or TV show, and you can see a direct correlation to how society and culture change because of it. A great example is “Will and Grace.” It was on TV, and 10 years later, “Don’t Ask, Don’t Tell” was repealed. You know what I mean? It’s this opportunity to put something good into the world that helps people and makes a difference. Something that pushes humanity to be empathetic and kind.

Empathy comes from knowing someone, and that’s the antidote to fear. The more you know somebody, the less you fear them. I think about Jonathan Van Ness. When Queer Eye first came out, they were kind of this “crazy” thing, and now it feels more normal because Jonathan was just free with themselves and able to put themselves on TV. It pushes the conversation forward and introduces America and the world to people who already exist. So, I think it’s a great responsibility. And I want to tell fart jokes too [laughs]. I want to make people laugh and see things that entertain me. I’m not trying to be preachy, but I know that there should be a point to it. Because I might only get that one chance. So that’s definitely changed for me, and I try to do that in all my work, whether I’m acting, directing, writing, or even on TikTok.

Cailin Loesch: As someone who’s been a director, writer, producer, and actor on many productions, in which position do you feel like you have the most influence on the way a film turns out?

Definitely as the director, but that only counts for films. In TV, it’s a writer’s medium. Most of the time, it’s the showrunner’s medium, and the directors are there to service that vision. Unless it’s a pilot or something. But, yeah, I’d say it’s the director on a film set for sure.

HL: You mentioned before that your agency years ago didn’t take you seriously enough as a director to send you out on interviews for directing jobs?

Yeah, they wouldn’t even let me meet with their director representatives. I couldn’t get an agent at my own agency to represent me as a director, even though I’d already been directing. They just told me, “Stick to acting.” But that changed when I left that agency. I’m now at CAA, who have been really supportive of my directing career.

CL: What’s the biggest obstacle you face in the industry now, and has it evolved as you’ve expanded your focus and the industry as a whole has changed?

I think the biggest obstacle I face, and that many other people face, is that the people buying stuff—and a lot of the streamers and studio heads now—aren’t creative people. They come from the business world. They work on movies and TV algorithmically, which is why you’re seeing just repeats of stuff and the same thing over and over again. I think what most of us are dealing with is that people won’t take a risk on something new unless it’s the 47^th superhero movie in a franchise. It’s not “proven,” so they won’t risk it. And that’s why we’re in this slump, because movie studio heads in the past were—don’t get me wrong, sometimes huge assholes—but they were thinking creatively. They took risks, and now we don’t have that as much. It’s really tough to pitch stuff because they have such a narrow view. And that narrow view changes weekly. “Oh, this did well this week, so now we’re only looking for this,” and then the next week, “Now we’re only looking for that.” It makes it impossible to sell stuff. It’s really, really hard. I think that applies to everyone in the industry, not just me. Anyone trying to write and sell stuff. 

I think sometimes people respect you less as a director if you come from the world of acting. But I try not to care about that, because I think what I have to say is proof enough that I can do it. Michaela Coel gave this great speech that later became a book called Misfits, which I recommend for everyone to read. It’s a quick read, only an hour, and she talks about how networks want this fresh new voice. They hire her but then pair her with an older man who’s been doing TV forever because he has more experience. And they tell her, “Just listen to him.”

And she’s like, “Why are you doing things the old way? If you want me for my voice, why are you squishing it by pairing me with someone who’s been doing it forever? Why can’t you trust that I can do this?” That’s another thing I think we deal with, people thinking of me as young and inexperienced, which is not the case. Sure, I don’t have as much directing experience as some men who’ve gotten more opportunities, but I do have experience, talent, and the will to do it. And sometimes that’s used as an excuse. They’ll say, “We’re looking for a director with more experience in big-budget movies,” but then they’ll hire a dude who’s less experienced. But we persevere. We keep going.

HL: “My Dead Friend Zoe” is based on a true story. How did you become attached to it? What made you want to be part of telling this story?

Well, Kyle Hausmann-Stokes—who’s the co-writer and director—this is his story. He says it’s “93.5%” exactly the same as his life. Obviously, Sonequa Martin-Green plays an avatar for him. He’s a white man, and he decided to cast women in the roles of him and his friends that he lost. But it’s exactly his life. Like, Ed Harris plays his grandfather.

He wrote me a letter. He wrote all of us a letter explaining that he wanted to help people going through a similar situation. He said he admired my work and wanted me to step in as an executive producer because he was a first-time feature director. He’d directed other things, but never a feature. He was like, “I know this story, I know what it feels like to be in the army, but I don’t know what it’s like to be a woman. I don’t know what female friendships are like.” And Sonequa Martin-Green and Ed Harris were already attached, which was a huge bonus. The script was great, and Kyle was so open to our input. He said, “If you and Sonequa have advice on making the female friendship feel more real or accurate, I need your help with that.” He was incredibly collaborative throughout the whole process. I think I share his goal. If this movie can help just one person, then we’ve done what we set out to do. That’s what we hope for.

HL: What do you know now that you didn’t know at the beginning of your career? What advice would you give to a new actor, writer, or filmmaker?

I think you really have to bet on yourself. That’s advice I’d give to anyone, no matter what path they’re on. This is your only life. You only get to do this once. Spend your time working towards what you want, what you want your life to look like. If you want your life to be on a farm somewhere, work towards that. Don’t do what your parents told you to do, or what society says you should do if that’s not what you want. So many people wake up when they’re in their forties, fifties, sixties, or even eighties, and think, “What did I do with my life?” It’s because they did what someone else wanted, not what they really wanted. You’ve got to bet on yourself. Ask yourself, If I had a bunch of money or time, would I invest in myself? Would I do the things I’m passionate about? Sometimes that means taking a risk on yourself.

I had a really bad breakup once and moved out of the house I shared with that person. I didn’t have a ton of money, but the house I was in had a yard for my dog and a beautiful view of the horizon. I thought, I’ll be so depressed if I move into a one-bedroom apartment without a yard and without a view. So I decided to take a risk. I thought, even if I didn’t work for a while, I could afford the lease for one year. If I could get this little house with a nice view and a yard, it would make me happier every day. And it worked. That year, I got so much more work. It was crazy.

I’m not saying it’s always going to work, but I calculated that if it didn’t work, I’d move out after a year. But if I could make myself happy for that year, I thought it would have a better effect on my life. And it did. In general, I think a lot of people are afraid to take risks, even though they’re well-intentioned. They warn creative people, saying, “Something bad might happen.” Which is true, it might. But you need a little bit of delusion to take a risk on yourself, especially if you’re young, don’t have kids, and can sleep on the floor. If you need to go for it, really go for it. And even if you’re older and have responsibilities, it’s never too late to do what’s in your heart. If your brain is thinking about it, you’re already on the path to figuring it out.

CL: I love that. I feel like what I’m always bumping up against is this idea of, What should I be doing?

There’s no “should.” Erase all the “shoulds” from your head. There is no “should.” Traditions work for some people, but if everyone did everything the same way, nothing would ever change. Nothing new would happen. If you bump up against the way things are done and feel like everyone’s telling you, “You should do it this way,” but you don’t want to, it’s for a reason. You’re meant to do it differently. There is no “should.” There’s only who you are. And as long as you’re not hurting people or yourself, what’s inside you is meant for you. Don’t look outside of yourself. Look within, and you’ll see what you’re meant to do. It’s what lights you up, what makes you feel good. Go for that.